Saturday, March 14, 2009

A Cat's Eye View

Baxter here. I have to apologize for my Female Human's absence this Week. Not only has she been busy at Work but in her Few Free Moments she has developed a new Addiction: the game of Scramble on Facebook. It seems to have a strangely Hypnotic Effect on her and she is not able to stop.

Another Activity that has been taking up her Time is keeping track of Points on Weight Watchers. She joined the Online version of Weight Watchers after deciding Something just had to be Done. She is now Obsessed with keeping track of every Morsel of Food she ingests and carefully inputting it on the Computer.

As a Cat, I don't have that kind of Control over what I eat, since I don't go Outside. I am not very Fussy; my Female Human feeds my a certain type of Dry Food that I find Acceptable and I eat when I'm hungry and that's it. Of course, I have heard my Humans occasionally remark that I am rather Chubby and should lose some weight, but hey, it's not My Problem. It's not as if I nag for Food or anything. Sometimes my dish is empty for a whole Day before I complain! I think I just have a Slow Metabolism!

So, here I am again, trying to help my Human out by Reporting on the Week's News.

This week saw the Culmination of the highly publicized "Feud" between Jon Stewart of The Daily Show and Jim Cramer, who has his own Show about the Stock Market on CNBC. My Humans watched Jon Stewart interview the Cramer Human on his show the other night. It started out relatively Friendly and the Cramer Human was being somewhat Contrite in his comments. But Jon Stewart didn't let him get away! He showed plenty of Clips that showed Mr. Cramer knew the Investors were Up to No Good and put the Cramer Human on the defensive the whole Time. As a Cat, I am not that Up on These Things, but it seemed to Me that the Stewart Human could have been quite an Investigative Reporter had he decided to go that Route instead of Comedy.

In the "Cutting off your Nose to spite your Face" Department, a number of Republican Governors are rejecting money from President Obama's Stimulus Program, in order to show their Staunch Opposition to such "pork barrel" spending. Of course, the funding these Governors are rejecting includes the Funding that would actually help the Unemployed People in their States: money to expand Unemployment Insurance eligibility. I guess they don't think Unemployed People vote. We'll see if it helps them or hurts them in the Next Election.

Let's see, what else is News? Oh yes, I remember Now. Swindler Bernie Madoff pleaded Guilty of running a Ponzi Scheme and was sent Directly to Jail. He did not Pass Go, nor did he Collect $200, as my Female Human likes to say.

By Confessing and Pleading Guilty, my Humans surmise he is trying to Take the Fall for the rest of his Family. It is hard to Believe they didn't know about this Scheme as he contends.

Yesterday my Female Human heard on the Radio about this Day Care in Arkansas that accidentally served Windshield Wiper Fluid to the kids instead of Kool-Aid. I did some Investigation and found this Article about it. Apparently someone put the Container in the Refrigerator thinking it was Kool-Aid and then someone served it to the Kids. Don't Humans know how to read Labels? I thought that was one Skill Humans had that Cats don't. Luckily the Kids are OK, although some were Hospitalized. The Day Care Owner gave up her License.

There is some Good News in Finance this week. The stock market actually went UP this week! It ended up gaining almost 10% for the Week. While it may just be a Blip, it is Encouraging. And we certainly want President Obama to show all those Republicans that his Plans are going to help the Economy so this is a Good Sign that there is a Stirring of Hope.

In Other News, in China, a man jumped into the enclosure where a rare Siberian Tiger was being kept in a Chinese wildlife park and immediately got killed by the resident Tiger. When will People realize that we Cats are Predators and if you Mess with Us, you are taking a Big Risk? I can only hope that the Tiger was not Killed, as that Tiger in San Francisco was.

Here's a happy ending Story for you. A Female Human found a Cat hiding in a Sofa she had bought at a Secondhand Store. After she brought the couch home, she kept hearing a "mewing" sound. Finally she and her Boyfriend discovered a Calico Cat hiding in the Underside of the Couch. The Original Owner of the Couch finally got his Cat, Callie, back, after a Friend heard about it on TV.

On that Note, I will Bid you Adieu (yes, of course, as an Educated Cat, I do know French). Time for La Catnip and a good long Nap. Until next time, I am signing off as Your Friend,


denverdoc said...

That story from China is worthy of a Darwin Award (given to posthumously to those who take themselves out of the gene pool through their own ill-advised actions).

Life As I Know It Now said...

Baxter I have to say you aren't such a bad news reporter yourself ;)

lisahgolden said...

I do look forward to these weekly roundups, Baxter.

I hadn't heard the cat in the sofa story. Sounds like something that one of our Pussies for Peace would do. They've figured out hot to get up into our sofa, the little stinkers.

Fran said...

Hi Baxter... I think Jon Stewart must have lost a bundle in the stock market & he's mad as hell & not going to take it anymore.

Say hi (meow) to your pet human for me.

Chris Dashiell said...

Baxter is a hell of a good blogger. I advise keeping him on.

Christopher said...

The cat in the sofa story is one for the record books.

I'm glad the cat and the owners were returned to each other.

Anonymous said...

I heard about the cat in the couch. How could you lose your cat in your couch?

libhom said...

I know South Carolina's governor is term limited out, but I'm sure some of the other Goppers will face voting booth retaliation from people denied unemployment benefits. They deserve it.

Katie Schwartz said...

Mauigirl, You rock my world. Err, I mean, your cat does.

I cannot believe a daycare center gave children wiper fluid thinking it was Kool-Aid, how fucktarded do you have to be? The branding and wording are soo different. How do you do that? I'm THRILLED she gave up her license.

What schmuck jumps into a Siberian Tiger cage? Obviously one with suicidal ideations, right? Right.

Loved the Jon Stewart info. He's so amazing and relentless.

Bernie makes me sick, so sick I gag.

Happy Pointing, my dear.

hugs and kisses

Annette said...

Thanks Baxter for the weekly round up.. precise and concise as always.

Yes, Jon Stewart did a wonderful job of putting Cramer in his place. Of course I don't think it lasted very long, but at least it was good for a while. From what I got I don't think it was Jon who lost money, but his So that made it worse.

The kids at the Day Care was for me the worse story of the week, and the Cat in the Sofa by far the best.. Good thing you cats are resiliant.

Have a good week, Good Luck to your human family in their endeavours...

themom said...

Baxter, keep up the good work. I'm proud of you!

Anonymous said...

One smart kitty you are!!

Tom Harper said...

I was gonna say something about the Darwin Awards, but Femail Doc beat me to it.

D.K. Raed said...

Baxter, you are so MEOW!

enigma4ever said...

baxter you are a wonder.....thank you...