Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Baxter's Story

As I promised Tomcat, I am turning over the blog to my cat Baxter for this post. It's only fair that he gets equal time, after Diva got to do an entire meme herself.

Hello, I am Baxter the Cat. Here you see me lying on the Dog's bed. (I hope this angle doesn't make my butt look too big. I'm very particular about having my picture taken.)

I live in a house with two Humans and a Dog. I will not dignify the Dog with a name, although the Humans seem to call her "Diva." She is the second dog I have lived with, and I must say I don't find her an improvement over the first one. The previous one chased me but I used to get back at her by hiding behind a door and smacking her on the rear end when she walked by. She wasn't quite as rambunctious as this one. This one is very noisy and barks loudly at me sometimes. I have to growl and sometimes I hiss in order to put her in her place. I always like getting the upper hand by being up high and then sometimes I can smack her on the nose.

I didn't always live here. I was found as a kitten by a nice person about two blocks away, but when they brought me into their house, I found to my horror they had 17 other cats living there! It was no place for someone like me. I like my privacy, and I expect to get all the adulation of the Humans in the household. I don't like to share my companionship with so many.

So after awhile they brought me to a nice place called The Homeless Animal Adoption League, or HAAL, which specializes in finding homes for cats and kittens. They had me what they call "fixed" - I'm not sure what was fixed, since there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. Then after I was there for awhile, this couple came in and started checking me out. They came in several times and I kept rolling on my back and flirting with them, because I know this works really well on Humans. Finally they decided to take me home, even though I wasn't a girl. Apparently for some reason they wanted a girl because their previous cat had been a girl.

Naturally once I got to this house I had to hide under the bed for a couple of days, especially when I found out they had a Dog living there. I'd come out from under the bed, stalk into the hallway carefully, see the dog, puff up all over, and run back under the bed. But I got used to the idea eventuallly and all was well.

My Female Human says I'm shy and that's why I don't come out that much when strange people are in the house. Actually it's because I am so far superior to them, I don't deign to interact with them.

However, if people come to the house often I do decide to grace them with my presence from time to time. Especially the one who comes to take care of me when my Humans are away on what they call a "vacation." After all, if she is the only companionship I get for a week or so, even I have to make the most of it. And I guess it's the least I can do when she goes to all that trouble to come over and scoop my box.

You'll notice I don't call my Humans "Mommy" and "Daddy" as the Dog does. They try to tell me to call them that but after all, Humans and cats are equals and we are all adults, so why should I call them such a juvenile title? "Humans" isn't a derogatory term, it merely describes what they are.

Although many people think cats just lie around all day, I actually do a lot of work around here. When my Female Human changes the sheets on the bed, I have to help. I immediately jump up on the bed and lie on the sheets so that she needs to pull them out from under me to strip the bed. Then when she puts on the new sheets, I need to be under them so she can play with me by tickling the sheet so that I can pounce on her fingers. Then she has to put the sheet over my head until I get tired of it and jump off.

Another task I have is to help her or my Male Human when they are on the computer. It is my job to jump up in front of the screen so that they have to look at me, glorious me, rather than that stupid screen. I know they appreciate this a lot because they often pat me. Of course, they sometimes make me move over for some reason. I don't know why they would rather look at that stupid screen than me, but there is no accounting for Human tastes.

For awhile I was studying to be an accountant, and specialized in shredding documents, particularly bills. However, my Humans now bank on-line, so there aren't many bills lying around within reach anymore, and besides, with Sarbanes-Oxley and all, there is much less call for this type of skill. So I just specialize in sheets, laundry (lying on clean clothes in the basket) and computer blocking.

I do sleep on the bed with my Humans most nights, once the Dog has fallen sound asleep. For some reason at that point she becomes helpless and no longer able to chase me. So we share the bed very nicely for much of the night.

I never go outside. I know some cats go outside but then things happen to them; they can get sick or hurt or run over. So my Humans don't let me out. I have no desire to go out anyway - if the door opens I run in the other direction. Why should I want to go out when I have everything I need here?

Being highly intelligent, I have a lot of opinions on things and my Female Human says that in the future she will let me post on this thing she calls the "blog" from time to time and express my opinions. I look forward to sharing them with you, as I know you will benefit from my vast wisdom.

Thank you for your attention. It's time for my nap now so I will sign off. We cats need to nap a lot. It's good for our stress levels. Humans should do more of it.


M said...

That was too cute, Baxter!

Distributorcap said...

you should meet george one day
george does call me dad
he too was fixed and had all his teeth removed by a dentist last year
but when he sees a dog -- he sniffs and walks away......

but george likes other cats.....and people....and expensive cat is a gourmand.

Mauigirl said...

M, Baxter appreciates your praise!

DCap, George sounds like an excellent feline companion. I'm glad he has the opportunity to eat expensive cat food, which is, of course, as it should be. Baxter eats the new EVO dry food - he doesn't like the wet stuff for some reason. But he gets expensive dry food!

enigma4ever said...

oh are wonderful...Xena is sitting here purring at you you handsome thing...

pissed off patricia said...

Fred the Cat told me to say welcome to the blog world Baxter. He has a similar history to yours and understands your attitude toward humans and dogs.

In another life I think you may have been a cat called Mom Cat. She was my cat years ago and when I made up the bed, she and I had a game too in which she jumped on the bed, I would say I'm gonna get that cat, and she would jump off the bed, race around the house and then jump right back up on the bed. We would repeat that ordeal until both of us were tired out. But damn, we had fun.

FreakyNick said...

Baxter, I agree with you on the naps. I feel much better when I get my nap in, but I don't get to do it that much.

Keep on batting Diva, she loves the attention.

Mauigirl said...

Enigma, Baxter sends his regards to Xena!

POP, Baxter asked me to thank Fred for his welcome. I like the game you used to have with your Momcat; at least she'd get off the bed and then come back.

I don't think I've ever had a cat that didn't jump up on the bed when I was trying to make it and refuse to get off. Our old cat Mathilda (who lived to be the ripe old age of 20) loved that game. She'd hide under the sheet and we'd have to play just as Baxter does today.

Nick, it's true. Diva enjoys the challenge and the more Baxter growls and hisses the more fun she has. He hasn't quite figured out that if he just ignored her he'd be better off!

TomCat said...

Well hey, Baxter. Sound's like your attitude is in the right place. If I make make a suggestion or two, as a full equal, you might consider demanding equal time on the keyboard. Also, just because they do their banking online, that's no reason you shouldn't help. I know they'd really appreciate that.

Mauigirl said...

Tomcat, Baxter thanks you for the suggestions and told me he'll be lobbying for equal time on the blog.

He does try to help a lot during my online banking; he is especially skilled at Computer Blocking techniques and at sitting on the mouse while I'm trying to use it. He knows this is helpful so he makes sure to be there when I'm doing the banking. However, I'm sure he could do even more in this regard so he will try harder next time.

Mary Ellen said...

These cat posts make me so sad because I am a real cat lover but can't have one due to allergies. I'll bet Baxter would come out from under the bed to see me if I visited. For some reason, cats who normally don't like people come over to me and try to jump in my lap. The way I figure it, it's either because they love me, or they sense that I have allergies and they want to kill me.

Anonymous said...

Well said, Baxter!

splord said...

Baxter did well, indeed.

Mauigirl, whatever you do, don't let Baxter answer any emails or Skype calls from the Secret Lair Kittehs. They've already got some sort of plan going with the Pussies for Peace over at DCup's, and, well, I fear for humanity... not that we, as a whole, have done so well at things.

Mauigirl said...

Mary Ellen, I bet he would too! He seems to like women best anyway, although he is affectionate to my husband and likes to sit in his lap.

I'm sorry you can't have cats - I have an old friend I've known since grammar school who loved cats and was allergic to them. She'd come over to our house to hang out with me and sneeze the entire time. I think she ended up getting shots to get over it and now has cats of her own. But they don't work for everyone.

Kittehs, glad you enjoyed Baxter's post!

Mauigirl said...

Phydeaux, I'll warn Baxter about the plot by the Pussies for Peace and Secret Lair Kittehs. However, I can't control what he does in his free time when we're asleep. He is very skilled at computing.

Fran said...

Oh Baxter! Tell Mauigirl to let you do this more often. We love her, we do. We love Diva too.

But you've got... wisdom!

Mauigirl said...

Fran, I am definitely going to give Baxter some more time to impart his wisdom. I didn't realize until I let him write this post, how eloquent he truly is. I always knew he was highly intelligent but he surprised even me!

Dorothy said...

My brother and sister in law have two wonderful, playful cats. Who sleep in the back of my knees when I'm visiting. They are unusually friendly however, very young yet. I hope they don't change as they grow older.

Baxter is cute... great home..your doggies place.
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call

denverdoc said...

Baxter certainly has found his writer's voice. I hope you bring him regular as a guest blogger. Ninja, my resident tabby, has also discovered the trick of waiting until other bedmates are asleep to join in. In her case, though, it's my husband who can't abide cats in bed. She arrives after he's asleep, we exit for cat food and cream in the early a.m. before he's awake.

TomCat said...

Tell him "you're welcome", please, Maui, and suggest that next time he eat the mouse. They're quite tasty!

Mauigirl said...

Dorothy, Baxter sends his regards to your brother and sister-in-law's cats. I'm sure they will retain their friendliness as they get older - cats usually have personalities at a very early age!

Femaildoc, Ninja sounds like an intelligent cat. I like the way you and she have this routine to make sure your husband doesn't realize she's on the bed at night!

Tomcat, I'll give him that advice!