Thursday, October 18, 2007

To a Friend Who Died Too Young

I recently lost a friend, too young. We had been out of touch for awhile, had a falling out - a long story - and had never really dealt with it. And now it's too late.

Things like this make you realize how important it is not to let things fester. If there is a problem, talk it out; if there is anger, try to understand. If there is silence, speak. Otherwise you may find, like me, that you missed your chance.

I wanted to post a poem in memory of my friend, but nothing seemed quite suitable to make the point that I wanted to make. So I wrote my own. I'm no poet and this is probably a monumentally bad poem, but I thought I'd post it anyway since it expressed what I feel.

Many times I thought of you
And almost picked up the phone
I composed letters in my mind
But they were never sent.

I often wondered how you were
But never dared to ask.
Afraid of your rejection,
It was so easy not to try.

After all, we weren’t that old,
There was always time.
Another day, another month,
Perhaps sometime next year.

But suddenly it’s all too late;
The days, the months, the years
Slipped by without a trace
Leaving all the words unsaid.

No time left to start anew
No time left to make amends
Only time to feel the pain
Of wishing you were here again.


The Future Was Yesterday said...

No tribute to a friend can ever be bad, when it comes from the heart, as yours obviously did. I had a similar experience not long ago. The pain is indescribable; the loss forever.

I offer you this, and hope you can find peace within yourself.

Liz Hinds said...

Your poem expresses exactly how you feel. There's nothing wrong with that.

I am sorry. For your loss and the pain of not being reconciled. It's a good reminder to us all.


Mauigirl said...

Future, thanks so much for posting the link to your experience with losing your friend, and the encouraging words.

Liz, thanks for your support, I'm hoping someone somewhere will read my post and pick up the phone to call someone they've lost touch with if they were thinking about doing it.

Anonymous said...

Maui - what can I say - I feel the same way you do, especially with the family looking to us for so much help.

We did what we could and what we were "allowed" to do - I am finding out more and more from speaking to her friends from other counties how true that was.

I like to believe that she knew we were there on Sunday. I really do.

Anonymous said...

BTW...Future - that was a very moving post. I feel exactly the same way you do regarding your experience.

Jane - Maui and I want to know if you wanna go fishing????

Fran said...

I am so sorry to hear about this loss and its impact on you.

What a beautiful poem you have written.

If you can, try not to be too mired in your regret, but to live in hope. We can't change what was but we can change what is.

And to do so, we simply make all of our meek adjustments.

Peace to you sister. Again, sorry for this loss and all that it entails.

Mary Ellen said...

Sorry for your loss, Mauigirl.

I'm sure your friend felt the same way...wanting to call and fix things. Deep down, I'll bet your friend cared as much for you as you did for (him/her?) .

Mauigirl said...

Thanks, Friend #2. I do think and hope she knew we were there Sunday...just wish we could go back in time over the past couple of years and have a "do over."

Fran, thanks for your are right, we can only change what is, and I hope I will be more aware in the future of how precious time is and if a situation like this arises again, not make the same mistakes.

Mary Ellen, thanks so much, I hope you are right.

M said...

So sorry about your friend. And your message is spot on. Holding on to the negative doesn't help anybody.

I think we are so used to waking up each morning we forget that someday, perhaps all of a sudden, we won't, or someone we know and love won't.

I try to live with the assumption that anyone can go anytime and try to say what needs to be said, but the reality is I have several people I am in a similar sit. with as the one you describe and I have let busy-ness and being preoccupied with other things get in the way of contacting them.

I hope you don't beat yourself up about the lack of contact before your friend passed; I bet your friend was feeling similar feelings and knew deep down your love/care for him/her.



RUTH said...

My dear Mauigirl; your second paragraph said so much even before I read your poem. What a beautiful heartfelt tribute. Whatever powers or beliefs any of us may have I feel sure that your friend knows how you are feeling and will understand.

Icarus said...

It's a grim lesson, learnt the hard way. At least as far as those whom we really value, it is good if we try to live like there was no tomorrow....just in case. We must always be prepared to pay a price for the quality of our relationships, so it is better to water them, nourish them and feel that we are at peace with each other....just in case.

And the poem expresses everything you are feeling. Well done!

Mauigirl said...

Thanks so much for your comments, M, Ruth and Icarus. It definitely makes you think and realize how short and precious life is...

Anonymous said...

I think your poem turned out exactly as it was intended, perfect.

I'm positive they felt the same as you.

We can learn a lot from regret. I don't think it's "wrong" to regret or to remember your mistakes.

All we can do is what we can do, and when given another opportunity try to do things differently.

Mauigirl said...

Thanks, Fairlane. I agree, we can only learn from the past and then try not to repeat the mistakes.