Monday, March 08, 2010

Looking for some classy insults?

If you are looking for a way to insult someone - say, a Tea Bagger - and you want some inspiration, look no further than this great collection of witty insults.

Someone sent this via e-mail and I thought they were amusing enough to share. Certainly beats the incivility of the Rush Limbaughs of the world.

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


jadedj said...

Har har har. Thanks for sharing these. They are great. I had seen them years ago, but it was great to visit them again. A large proportion certainly applies to many politicians of today.

MRMacrum said...

While I did enjoy these clever digs, I am not sure I have any use for them. Generally the folks I aim insults at only perk up if I include profanity surrounded by words of preferably no more than two syllables.

The first one has been one of my favorites for years.

Life As I Know It Now said...

My favorite is:

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

Fran said...

You got some out loud laughs out of me on this post.

Found this amusing

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

For the 21st Century:

Are you getting enough fiber?

(Polite way of telling someone they are full of s@%t)

libhom said...

I love the Mae West quote.

Randal Graves said...

Heh heh heh.

Spadoman said...

Modern day insult from the liberal left to the tea bagger:

If I want your opinion I'll watch Fox News.

These are great! When people actually had class.


Kulkuri said...

I wouldn't do that to my worst friend or best enemy.
That has been a favorite of mine for a long time.

Odessa said...

haha, loved these quotes! especially since i have a hard time coming up with snarky/witty comebacks myself. i really love mark twain's, gave me a funny visual.

Christopher said...

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde


Exactly how I feel when I'm forced to be in the same room, city or state, with Jim's Republican relatives.

Kentucky Rain said...

Wonderful! I have finally added you to my BR btw. I kept forgetting!

Dave Dubya said...

"I resemble that remark!" - Curly Howard

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