Wednesday, July 30, 2008
A Cat's Eye View
Baxter here. My Female Human has been all tied up this Week trying to finish Packing up her Office as her Group is Moving to Another Part of the Building. And on top of that, she and my Male Human are trying to buy Property in that Place they call the Adirondacks. They are still Waiting to hear back on an Offer they have made. Apparently buying Property involves much Waiting and Anticipation. So, in the Meantime, she suggested that I fill in here and Post some Updates.
Now, you have to understand, it is the Middle of Summer. The biggest News around here lately was people getting hit by Lightning at the Jersey Shore and on Long Island. One Human man died. Very Sad. However, at least there were no Shark Attacks, which usually also make it into the News in the Summer.
Since it is Summer, we Cats have also gotten some Attention. There's the cat whose Fur looks like Jesus. Personally, I can't see it. But some People claim they do see His Face in the Fur. (What is it with Humans always trying to find the Image of this God-Human they call Jesus in all kinds of Incongruous Materials? It's either Him or His Mother. Once they saw Her in a Grilled Cheese Sandwich. And then the Owner of the Sandwich sold it on E-Bay for $28,000. I'm not Religious, myself, but don't you think it's a little Sacrilegious to be seeing Jesus and Mary in Cat Fur or Grilled Cheese Sandwiches? And then making money on the Sandwich? Sheesh.)
In other Cat News, a 44-pound Cat was found in Voorhees, New Jersey. They are calling her Princess Chunk and will try to Adopt Her Out if Her Owners do not come forth to claim Her. Not only is this Cat getting all kinds of Press, she now is scheduled to appear on Good Morning America and Regis and Kelley. Here is Her Picture. She makes Me look positively Petite. Do you realize she only weighs 8 pounds less than Diva, That Dog that I am Forced to Live With? And she's twice MY Weight.
On to Other Subjects. Since it is the Depths of Summer, it has been Hard to Concentrate on Politics that much, but I have Followed the Obama Human's World Tour with interest. He really knows how to Wow them Over There. 200,000 or so turned out to hear him Speak in Berlin. He was looking all Presidential and Important and people were Enthusiastic.
In the Meantime, the other Human running for President, John McCain, was trying to make an Impression on the Folks Back Home by being interviewed in a Supermarket near the Dairy Case. It didn't really Go Over very Well, what with falling Applesauce and various other Mishaps.
But despite these Contrasts, the Polls remain extremely Close. There could be Many Reasons for this: Fear of the Unknown (McCain may not be Perfect but he is Well Known). Possible Racism. A Myriad of other Possibilities.
But on The Daily Show last night, another Theory was advanced: The Pity Vote.
John Oliver's Theory is that McCain is so Inept and Incompetent that people will Feel Sorry For Him and he will Win. Oliver also compares Obama to Lassie - almost Too Perfect - and McCain to an appealingly Scruffy Dog called Mr. Sniffles.
This Pity Theory may Very Well be Accurate. After all, we got George W. Bush because people "felt like they could have a Beer with him." If People don't feel as if they could have a Beer with Obama, he is at Risk of Losing. The American Humans have proven Time and Again that they don't have the Sense they were Born With and will vote for Anyone they feel is Ordinary enough that they could Relate to them. None of those "Elite" people will Do.
It's Time for the Obama Human to come home and eat some American Hot Dogs and hang out with the Ordinary People talking about the Price of Milk. (And of course, the Price of Milk is Very Important to us Cats as Well.)
Until Next Time, this is Baxter, Signing Off. Have some Catnip and we can All try to make it through the Dog Days of Summer. (Why are they Dog Days, anyway? Cat Days would make more Sense and be more Suitable. Cats like to relax on Hot Days! Dogs run around like Idiots and lie in the Midday Sun.)