(Or as Jean-Paul Sartre originally said, "L'enfer, c'est les autres.")
Let me make one thing perfectly clear, as Richard Nixon was fond of saying. I know how to drive in the snow.
The thing is, no one else does.
We have had a very mild winter so far here in the wilds of suburban New Jersey. In fact, there was only one other storm that I recall, and it was before Christmas. But today the Gods of Winter decided we could not escape completely, and proceeded to dump snow followed by sleet and freezing rain on us.
In my usual fashion, I stayed late at work because the traffic is always worse earlier in the day when it snows. So I finally meandered out to discover a winter wonderland.
Unfortunately, because of the mild winter, I think people were even worse at driving in the snow than usual, from being out of practice. And my calculation was wrong: there were still plenty of them on the road. All driving badly.
My route home involves a rather poorly-planned interstate highway that goes up and down some major hills. This highway was not plowed. Nor was it salted. Traffic was bumper to bumper, crawling up and down the hills, with cars sliding back and forth and weaving in and out.
I took my place in the line and sluggishly moved along, wearing out my clutch as I repeatedly had to stop and then start again because people were driving so slowly. This is especially dangerous going uphill, since stopping results in getting stuck and spinning one's wheels. Luckily this did not actually happen to me and I managed to get off an exit and get onto the back roads - back roads that blessedly had no other cars on them.
From then on I was able to drive sensibly and consistently in the snow and made it home - an hour and fifteen minutes after I'd departed work. Usually it takes 20 minutes.
So in honor of my grueling trip home, here are some haikus, or haiku as I guess they are more properly called:
Snow and sleet falling
Many cars crawling uphill
Danger lurks ahead.
Don't stop here, idiot!
It only makes your wheels spin
Your car will get stuck.
Get your foot off your brake
While driving down the steep hill
You will only skid!
Get off of the road
If you don't know how to drive
You're holding me up.
Driving in the snow
Is not very hard to do
Following cars is.